The Banned Phrases Generic Military Nicknaming Procedure
Notes:
- All rules may be applied to each other.
- Name refers to either surname or forenames.
- If anyone shows displeasure in their nickname then use it at all times.
Rule 1
Delete some letters from name
Eg: Titchmarsh > Titch
Rule 2
To name add ‘y’, ‘o’, ‘a’, ‘s’, ‘ers’, ‘ster’, ‘sy’, ‘er’
Eg: Hoon > Hoony, Hooners, Hoons, Hoono; Jon > Jonny, Jona, Jono, Jonners
Rule1 + Rule2
Delete some letters from the end of the name and add ‘y’, ‘o’, ‘a’, ‘s’, ‘ers’ , ‘ster’, ‘sy’, ‘er’
Eg: Hitler > Hitster, Hitters, Hits
Rule 3 – The z rule
Remove all the letters from the forename except the 1st two, then add z.
Eg: Gareth > Gaz
Rule 4 – Initials
Take the first letter of the forename(s) and the first letter of the surname and place together.
Eg: Margaret Thatcher > MT
Rule 5 – Nationality
a. Scottish = Mac or Jock.
or
b. Welsh = Taff.
or
c. If they are not from the UK, pronounce their name in a poor accent of their native country.
Rule 6 – Traditional 1
Smith = Smudge or Smudger,
White = Chalky,
Holland = Dutch,
Bell = Dinger,
Bird = Dickie
Rule 7 – Traditional 2
If their forename is any of column 1 then substitute those in column 2:
Andrew = Andy
Anthony = Tony
Charles = Charlie/Chuck
Daniel = Dan
Edward = Ed/Eddie
James = Jim
Michelle = Mitch
Nicholas = Nick
Patrick = Paddy
Richard = Dick/Rick
Robert = Bob/Bobby
Russell = Russ
Samuel = Sam
William = Billy
Wilson = Tug
Then apply the other rules
Rule 8 – Sex
If they are female call them: Doris, Bird, Bint…
Rule 9 – Offensive Hatred Acronyms
If it is someone you particularly dislike make up an offensive acronym for them:
Eg: T C 1st letter of surname – Where T C stands for That C##t.
Rule 10 – Rude/Famous Surnames
If the surname can be prefixed by a different forename to make the full name sound rude,offensive or famous then the person shall by known by the alternate forename.
Eg: Simon Tickle > Tess; David Head > Dick; James Thatcher > Maggie
Rule 11 – Names to the power of 2
If the person has names that begin with the same letter, (particularly if they have a double barrelled surname beginning with the same letter.) then that person shall be known as that letter “squared”.
Eg: John Findringham-Forsyth – F2 (Pronounced “F-Squared”)
Rule 12 – Contraction and combination
If either of a person’s forename or surname can be contracted and combined with each other to make an amusing word then they shall be known by that amusing word.
Eg: Steve Huffer – Stuffer;
Rule 13 – A Non-exhaustive Selection of Specific Nicknames
Thrush - Irritating c##t.
Milkshake - nice, but thick.
Seagull - throw stones at them to make them fly.
Zulu is an hour behind everyone else.
Hymen - A complete c##t.
Diesel - No spark.
Sledge - always got pulled by Dogs
Leatherman – A useless tool that everyone carried.
Oggle – Our Glorious Leader
Peter – PITA – Pain in the arse
Sooty – Shit of the Year